Fethullah Gulen’s Longing for His Native Country
“Like in a relationship between the lover and beloved, I wish to reunite with Turkey and have a great yearning for my country.” [Samanyolu TV, 07.16.1997]
“It saddens me so very deeply. There are different soils here, all have come from different parts of Turkey. I keep them in my room and cherish them as thought they were the Holy Black Stone, sent down from Paradise…” [The Broken Jug, 03.17.2002]
“Because of these same worries I have put a limitation on my telephone conversations. At times, I had to hold strong and bear rejecting to speak on the phone with sincere friends,—whose voices I believe would have been like a cool drop of water to the fire of longing in my heart—with the people closest to me, and, even, the closest of my family and relatives. If you would like to put a label on this life, you can call it voluntary seclusion or voluntary imprisonment. Perhaps, voluntary exile would be the most accurate. Only those who share the same feelings with me can truly understand what a difficult and impossible thing this is to bear, as a person who has spent even the smallest instant of their 65-year-old life amidst the people. However, I have endured all of this with willingly with my heart and soul for the very sake of my people. I thought of them as the subtle manifestations of grace that Allah had willed for me, I tried to interpret and read those manifestations. I thought of it as atonement from my sins and regarded this period as an opportunity for contemplation and evaluating my life.” [The Broken Jug, 03.14.2003]
“This country is my country. In my room, I have soil from all around Turkey, all in separate boxes. Some are from Kars, some from Istanbul and some from the village of Korucuk. I try to ease my longing through them.” [The Broken Jug, 01.06.2004]
“I miss everything about Turkey. Journeying through the country, stopping at the coffee houses on the road for a cup of tea, the dressing of the people, everything…our sometimes straight sometimes crooked architecture…The skyscrapers here may seem magnificent to some, but I much rather prefer our own ground-scrapers.” [Milliyet, 01.29.2005]
I love my native land, and the very soil it stands on; but, in order to not cause any turmoil over there, I will content myself with only breathing in the fragrance and holding to my face the soil that has come from the four corners of my country…you are here with me anyway, and it is as though I am living in any part of Turkey. But, over there in my beautiful country, there are some journalists who always speak of misfortune, and by using me as an excuse, they take advantage of every opportunity to write articles against you. You cannot guarantee that they will not bring about a sanguine doomsday around this issue once you get there. You can accept that I am living here, in spite of myself, so as not to put anyone in a bad situation and to not be present in Turkey as a problematic factor. I would even accept living under the ground if it meant that no restlessness would come about in Turkey. You can dig a secret underground passage, cover me in soil, open up a small hole for air, send in some bread and water from time to time, and I will take it, live by it and continue staying there. Whatever it takes so that nothing negative happens in Turkey! Those who are curious about it can see the soil I have from parts of Turkey. I had special boxes made for them. A while back, the thought that I am not able to prostrate on the soil of Turkey came to me. I would so much desire to put my head on its soil. I thought to myself if I could pour each one, one by one, on a wooden plate, make it into mud, freeze it, then rest my head on it when I prayed…This is what I felt. Then, my Qur’anic and religious logic objected and said that if I were to do such a thing then everyone might start making prayer rugs from the soil from Turkey…and we would have just invented a new false innovation. That itself would have brought about a whole new tear, a whole new crack.” [Weekly online sermon, 04.13.2009]
“I say this with complete sincerity that even amidst all this crowd, I have always felt drunken from loneliness. For it is neither our soil, nor our country…and with such sorrow and thoughts of longing, I had written the words, ‘I listen to my soul and I am fed up with separation/ I thought I could endure this absence from home../ It seems as though I have fallen for the thought of accepting everywhere as home/ I had believed that I would grow sincere with everybody…’ Like a virtual exile…Though it is not an exile it is too much like an exile…I miss my native land so much and can feel the longing for home in the marrow of my bones to such a degree that whenever I think of it, I virtually run away from my spiritual world so as to avoid criticizing my fate. The valleys and the tents of my country, the pathways, even the coffee house we stop by to drink tea, the houses we lived in, the 5th floors…my eyes well up as I remember each one… Friends who I have been acquainted with for a long time, and who I have grown familiar with over the years, come to visit me here, and each time they leave I feel as though I am being departed to the afterlife, it hurts me greatly and I bite my tongue so as not to feel the hurt inside…” [Weekly online sermon, 03.22.2010]
“When beautiful people to whom I regard such high value like Yasar Tunagur and Haci Kemal Erimez passed on to the other life, I could not help but think, ‘I wish I had died instead of them!’ Anyhow, it doesn’t look like I have the strength to carry on such burdens from now on. When another fierce storm comes along and takes somebody over with it, who knows, maybe it might stop my heart as well. I don’t have the strength to carry it on much longer. May God Almighty grant it to happen in the soil of my native land. I bear in me a great longing for my native land and the soil it stands on. If serving others didn’t require it so I would not stay here even a minute longer. But in a way that most people will not comprehend, in fact, in a way that 999% of 1000 will not be able to understand, I believe that serving humanity lies in this. Yes, in a way that 999% of 10000 will not be able to comprehend…” [Melodies from Herkul (Herkul Nagme), 11.24.2012]
“Being away from your home is very tough. There are places I used to stay in Turkey; on the top floors of the dormitories where I used to pay rent and stay.. Every time they come to my mind, my eyes fill with tears. I run away from that, and I dive into another feeling. Otherwise, I will let go of myself… and that letting go, that crying, I’m afraid that it will be like a complaint towards Allah.” [Weekly online sermon, 03.04.2013]
To be continued..
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